Friday, September 17, 2004
Wow! It's been awhile since I have posted here. I am not very good at being faithful with these sorts of things. Anyway...
Random thoughts:
As I approach fatherhood, I am becoming more and more excited! This "person" will be brought into this world, by the breath and grace of God, with flesh from both of us. Somehow, he/she will embody us: our love, our Faith, the strength of our marriage, our need for God and His Holy Eucharist. What a fearful and wonderful thing. I am constantly amazed at the peace and exicitement I am feeling. A couple of years ago, I would have been a frightened basket case.
I miss my brother. I am constantly thinking of him in Iraq. I barely get to talk to him. A few weeks ago, he sounded depressed and very cynical. This is not Joel. The light hearted humor was gone. That was the first time that I had talked to him where the humor was noticeably absent. That was a red flag for me. He feels he is all alone. He seems very paranoid. He isn't sleeping. PTSD? I don't know. God, have mercy on Joel.
My Mom. Still the same. She is going, going, going...she is reaching for the stars. Very confusing for me; I am proud of her but can't help but feel impending dread. When will she bottom out? Will she ever? I think so. The only thing that seemed to help her was a quick fix. Of course I can't talk about my concerns with her. She just wouldn't understand. I pray for her, but that is all I can do right now. The few times I have talked to her about how I feel have seemed that she was hanging on every word. That is definitely a warning sign for me. Boundaries!
My wife. I love her. Sometimes, when I look at her, I see a person I haven't even begun to know. I am beginning to understand what it really means to love her. Not anything to do with me, but giving myself up for her. True what Christ says, "whoever finds his life will lose it. And whoever loses his life will find it". So true.
