The more I begin to look inward, I realize that two natures operate within me: my soul and my flesh. I relate to the Apostle Paul when he says he "does what he does not want to do". Most of the time, this is the case for me.
Take fasting for instance. I want to fast. I have experienced many good benefits from it. However, the fire I must go through to obtain the good gifts is very painful. This is what stops me; suffering. My flesh doesn't want to suffer! But my soul desires the blessings of fasting. Sometimes I wonder what my soul and body would look like if I could actually "see" them as God does. I imagine that my soul is this withered, weak and malnourished dwarf. My flesh would be this fat, greasy, whining dough boy. Poke it, and it would scream in agony.
It really isn't funny, though. Very few times do I actually experience joy. Most of the time I feel, spiritually, like I do when I have a very hight fat meal: bloated, tired and weak.
The Church, and all that it encompasses, will save me. I believe it will tip the scales. I pray God will have mercy on my soul.
1:54 PM
Monday, June 28, 2004
“There are angels among us!”
I just got back from a two week, kick in the pants(albeit, tiring), vacation with my wife. We did the mother of all road trips: Seattle to Boston via I-90. Over 7,000 miles! Our goal was to see our friends who live in Boston, Chris and Abra. Chris just finished his first year at Harvard Divinity School. We stayed four days with them. During those four days, they showed us all over Boston(what a beautiful city!) and took us to great eating places. They were awesome hosts! Great times!
Along the way, we camped in the Badlands, visited Mt. Rushmore, traveled the Great Plains, survived the “Chicago Gauntlet”, enjoyed Niagra Falls and stayed in a monastery. Wait! Back up! We stayed in a monastery!? Uuuhhhh, yeah….we did.
This is exactly what it felt like. We planned this trip, with the monastery on our agenda, but it wasn’t the goal. It felt so wrong. It was like our visiting the monastery was an after thought. It should have been our ultimate destination….a pilgrimage.
We ended up staying for two days and a night at Saint Isaac of Syria Monastery in Bouscobel, WI. It was an incredible experience. We visited with five monks and a nun. Three of the monks were my age and they had accepted the habbit more than 8 years ago! They were amazing, loving people. Truly angelic! We prayed with them during Vespers and Compline and ate with them! We had conversations I am still processing. Maybe I will write about it here. It is so true. Those monks were truly angels. The Orthodox believe that a tonsured monk or nun is the lowest angelic order that exist on earth. These men and women devote their lives to prayer(unceasing) and the acquisition of humility. They have left everything in this world to serve Christ and His Church. They believe that if they give up everything(house, job, money, possessions, movies and prestige) and “marry” Christ and His Church, they gain all of Creation. Please pray for Father Simeon(Abbot), Father Theodore, Father Anthony, Brother Seraphim, Brother Trion and Mother Anastasia.
The next trip that we plan will have as our final destination, the monastery. God willing, we will be able to do this many times. This was the best part of our trip!
It is such a blessing to know that when I am sleeping, Godly and angelic men and women are praying for our souls!
