Wednesday, May 05, 2004
"May his memory be eternal!"
I wanted to convey a memory I had of Father Thomas. That is what the last few days have been about for me, remembering Father Thomas.
Father Thomas was never "the life of the party". He didn't stand out(his personality, not his appearance). He was always very quiet and unassuming. At times I found it hard to approach him because I didn't know what to say to him or ask. I was always aware of my lack of spirituality and was intimidated. Part of my sinfulness, I'm sure. When he spoke, I listened because he was never frivolous with his words.
One day, during our men's fellowship at Church, we were talking about prayer. We were reading, "Beginning to Pray" by Anthony Bloom. Distraction during prayer came up. We were discussing when our minds begin to wander while we pray, our prayer is not heard by God because our heart is not in it. I asked what we should do when this happens, whether we should stop in the middle of the prayer and begin again, or continue on. What I didn't say was that I was feeling pretty crappy and guilty about my mind wandering during prayer all the time that it was beginning to hinder me from praying at all. I think Father Thomas saw through this because he said that all we should do is stop our wandering, ask for forgiveness, and move on with the prayer. We should not let the wandering keep us from praying.
That meant so much to me. Letting go of the guilt of a wandering mind and receiving God's forgiveness, leaving despair and pride behind, I can be free to continue praying to God. This was so encouraging to me. I regret that I never told him how encouraging that it was.
I wish that I would have talked to him more; to get to know him more. But alas, it is too late. Mystically, however, I can still approach him by praying for him. We keep a picture of him on our altar at home to remind us to pray.
Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on Father Thomas.
7:47 AM
