Tuesday, September 23, 2003
I am going to be beginning a class tomorrow for Adult Children with Parents that have a mental illness called "Family to Family". It is a twelve week course ranging from informational classes on mental illness to how to cope with someone with a mental illness. I am really looking forward to it. However, I am a bit nervous. As a friend told me recently, it is hard for children of a mentally ill parent that have constantly propped up their parent to begin to see that their emotional system is not normal; it feels completely wrong to attempt or believe anything else. Me personally, I have always believed that to be loved I must earn or perform for my mother's love. It was always my fault if she was in a bad mood or upset with me. Things would only be under control if I did certain things or if I unselfishly sacrificed my feelings or desires to make her okay. Of course, this has spilled over into my adult relationships and the cycle continues, generally with people who do not have a mental illness. This has been very destructive to closest relationships.
Anyway, just a few things I have been thinking about lately. I am also going to see my Priest for some advice on Thursday. Looking forward to that.
